Intimacy.

… a word which is more often that not associated simply with an intimate sexual act, something I too was guilty of for the longest. I failed to understand its true depth, its fluidity. I had succumb to the societal conditioning we’re all over exposed too – without any given consent.

For years I’d related the term to purely the physical, and for me? it was a bad, misunderstood relationship. It was a boundary that I felt I had to have the upmost control over to the point of isolation. As when I lost that control as a young teen, I subconsciously vowed never to let it happen again.. I guess in hindsight I was simply a child trying my hardest to protect my inner child.

The haunting guilt of over trusting, under estimating & innocently assuming… letting that purity suffer without due compliance.

As life continued, my scar tissue deepened. The protection of righteousness growing stronger but my relationships, both with myself and others, getting consistently weaker. I became more and more alone, feeling forsaken. Not only did I begin to loose sight of myself internally, externally it showed.

My shoulders rounded, in a misconceived effort to protect my heart.

My head lowered to keep out of view.

My head lowered to keep out the view…

My eyes could see, but my perception faltered. I’d been so naive to get it wrong before, indoctrinated it was my fault – so I’ll be dammed if I did it again.

I shut it all out. I shut even the inside out.

It wasn’t till I had reached what I believed was my weakest moment, that I was able to find clarity. In my isolation I stumbled over solitude. I discovered who I was. I understood that I, my soul & my ego, cared about who I was. And with that, I permitted myself to grow.

As I grew, I gained an innerstanding that I could actually allow myself to be vulnerable without being weak. That I could allow people to get close to me & have the ability to let them leave – without taking a part of my value with them.

So with that, I learnt the importance of intimacy. The cause & effect from the simple act of connecting with another so deeply, you can feel their soul. You can see their heart and taste their intentions. Authentically exposing the naked self, not in flesh but in frequency. No perceptions,  judgement or prejudice. Just truth and unconditional love. The joining of two beings in their most innocent anatomy. Transcending the physical form to one of closeness, not in proximity but of belonging. Togetherness.

T.x